Pregnancy Chronicles - Week 18

And the boobs hurt again. This is kinda a minor mystery. I measured myself and there is no change in size, but damn is that bra digging into me. It’s leaving marks on my skin. I think they are getting heavier, without getting bigger, and it hurts. I ordered a maternity bra, but it looks like a normal bra from the picture. I also bought a bra extender, so maybe that will help.

Meanwhile, life is uncomfortable again.

The hormones are hard to control. I have fits of rage. I don’t know what brings it on really. All I know is that I’m tired all the time and if something doesn’t go according to my plan - RAGE. Good company I do not make. Things that were irritating before now make me want to behead people with the grim reaper’s scythe. I was never any good at swallowing my words, but now it’s nearly impossible. They shall be punished!

And yes, I do make plans for the day. When I’m in the shower, I think about what I’ll make for breakfast. Then what I’ll do after breakfast, what I’ll get accomplished, and then I’ll think about everything that can go wrong and make contingency, Plan B plans. I’ve been like this since college, when I had so much stuff to do, plans were the only way to get it all done.

When things slip to Plan C and Plan D, that’s when I get irritated and lash out. Only during pregnancy, this turns into RAGE. I realize this is borderline OCD with a dash of major control issues. I don’t try to control other people, but I do try to control my day. There is a difference. I don’t force anyone to do what they don’t want to do, and I ask they do the same of me.

So this is tough.

I’ve been working from home more and that’s improved things greatly. I’m not so tired during the week and I get a break from people. It’s a working solution until I’m feeling less vengeful.