Book Review - Prince of Thorns

Dude, what just happened? That sums up my reaction to Prince of Thorns. It's like reading about the villain and cheering for him as he razes villages and rapes farmer's daughters. It's messed up, and I loved it.

The protagonist is Prince Jorg, who saw his mother get raped to death and his younger brother get his head smashed in after a rival nation attacked their coach. He survived because one of the guards tossed him into a nasty briar patch that hid him, but also dug thorns into his flesh preventing him from helping his mother.

Not long after that, when he was 13 years old, Jorg got himself a band of ruthless outlaws and went charging through the countryside to get revenge. He burned, pillaged, raped, and tortured people. Completely without a conscience.

It's like Game of Thrones except he's badder than any of those characters and is an incredible strategist. His band of two dozen takes on armies due to Jorg's intelligence and battle tactics.

Another thing I loved about this book, the writing was tight. No unnecessary words or description. The flashbacks had purpose. No long analyses on why Jorg is the nasty 14 year old that he is. No worldbuilding other than a few clues about Builders. Jorg had some fantastic quotes:

“You soon learn there’s no elegance or dignity in death if you spend time in the castle kitchens. You learn how ugly it is, and how good it tastes.”

“Some men are too dull to feel what might happen. Others torture themselves with maybes and populate their dreams with horrors more terrible than their worst enemy could inflict upon them.” 

“There’s something brittle in me that will break before it bends.” 

Anyway, this book is crazy. There's not many like it, so it's definitely worth the read.

Pregnancy Chronicles - Week 12.5

The screening went well. I was very impressed with the ultrasound office. There was a monitor high up on the wall, so I could view it without moving my head. Everything was very comfortable and they let us know exactly what we were seeing before we asked. There was an ultrasound tech and a doctor attending the screening.

The doctor said the measurements and nuchal fold looked perfect. The blood results said we are a very low risk for Down’s Syndrome and two other genetic tests.

Which is good, because I don’t want to have to make that call.

Meanwhile, yes, I am starting to show. I can’t believe people aren’t noticing. Granted, I’m trying to dress to hide it, but when I turn sideways to the mirror, dang people. You don’t see it? Also, I have stopped buttoning my pants on the weekend. My tummy is comfortable but my butt is hanging out.

I have yet another doctor’s appointment in a few days. I think they want to take more blood from me. Or poke at me for the fun of it. I’m not sure; I can’t keep track. It does seem excessive.

Symptom wise, my feet hurt and my back hurts. I’m also losing a LOT of hair, particularly in the shower, but a significant amount during the day. My desk chair looks like a wig. I did not read this in any of the books and will bring it up to the doctor. There’s no way a person can lose this much hair and replace it at the same rate. Mildly concerned here.

I’m not the only one having symptoms. Mine are physical; Hubby’s are mostly mental. I think he’s nesting. He’s been talking about all these projects he has to do on the house. Suddenly new floors are a MAJOR issue even though I’ve been asking for 2 years. We even tucked away money to buy them, which is a big deal because we usually negotiate each month about where the savings will go. He wants to invest in our retirement accounts; I want to spend it on the house. First time ever he opted for the house.

Not only that, but he wants to clean out the garage and basement. He’s also talking about what tools he needs to buy to finish the basement. I can’t even remember him talking about the basement before. Suddenly we need more living space?

Right now he’s covered in poison ivy from belly button to eyelid. (no really, he has some in his belly button). I told him to relax while he heals, but nope. He’s fixing the fence ASAP because omg the fence is down! The dog will escape! It must be done! We need trees and plants and a fish pond!

Look, whatever. The dog doesn’t even go back that far into the property. And if you know my dog, the fish will probably swim in pee.

But hey, we all deal with things differently. Who am I to say his method is wrong? So we’ll get new floors, maybe new countertops and a new kitchen sink. As long as we’re not in debt over it, have at it.

Book Review - Stork

Stork is currently for sale for $2.99 in the Kindle Store. It was a cute story. Had some flaws, but what book doesn't? Overall, I liked it.

Katla had to move with her newly divorced mother from LA to Minnesota. I almost didn't buy the book because of that. I didn't want to read about some selfish, gadget-oriented girl who was mean to the locals. I was pleasantly surprised when Katla made friends right away and was nice to people. Even took a job as a clerk in her grandfather's store.

Yeah, she stuck out a bit with her fashion sense and struggled with the cold. I liked how she didn't blame that on the locals, or her mother for making her move there. Katla is a good person, a good character to read about.

There were some paranormal elements to this romantic YA. After she moves to the town, she discovers she's a Stork. Meaning, she gets dreams of babies wanting to be born and potential mothers. Then a council of Storks gets together and makes a decision on which mother would be best for the baby. This isn't really the focus of the story though. Honestly, this Stork council treated more like a quirk of the town. Many of the locals descend from Norse cultures and still pass on stories about Odin and the bifrost. Katla takes it in stride, like she joined a book club.

The real story was about her and a boy named Jack. It was a strange love-at-first-sight, we're-destined-to-be-together romance. Jack was a bit intense for me, actually. He said stuff like, "I waited for years for you. I didn't date anyone else because I'd just hurt them waiting for you." That's not really a teenage thing to say. I was starting to worry he'd become a stalker.

Despite that weirdness, it wasn't a bad story. I liked it. It was a quick read, worth the $2.99, and I'm looking forward to the sequel.

Pregnancy Chronicles - Week 12

Blood tests are all fine, except for a minor UTI. So now I’m popping antibiotics, pre-natal vitamins, and medicated powder for an awesome sweat rash in my cleavage. Nice. Apparently when you get fatter, you sweat more, and sweat gets trapped between your fat. Instant rash.

Yes, I know I’m oversharing.

Meanwhile, I’m starting to show. It’s a little early to have a tummy like mine, so it’s possible it’s mostly gas and bloat. But when I wear a t-shirt, it’s damn obvious. I may have to start telling people earlier than I wanted. Or wear really bulky clothing.

A comfortable sleeping position is becoming difficult to find. If it weren’t for the intense fatigue, I’d have trouble sleeping. As it is, the Olympics are KILLING me. Does it have to be on so late? I’ve fallen so far behind on my Goodreads challenge, I’m thinking about reading a bunch of short stories to catch up.

Also, weird fact. Mosquitoes love me more. Maybe it’s the extra blood and hormones? I’m covered in insect bites. I can’t use bug spray because I’m not thrilled about the Deet and other chemicals.

I just want to get through this week. We have our 12 week screening in a few days. That’s where they check for abnormalities. The follow-up with the doctor is 6 days after that. Once we have confirmation the baby is not a genetic freak, I’ll reassess my plan for avoiding t-shirts.

Restaurants Need Tech

I went out to breakfast this weekend at a particularly slow diner. It took 2 hours from the time we arrived until we left. And no, there was no line when we arrived. We got seated right away.

Granted, it was a large party 10 people, but still. Two hours is obnoxious for breakfast.

So what the blazes took so long? It took forever to take our orders, then even more time to separate the checks, and even more time after that to pay and get receipts.

I watched the waitress take our orders, then go input them into the restaurant's computer. Later when it was time for our bill, she printed out the orders from the computer system.

Well, shoot. Give me access to that computer at our table. What's the point of the middle man? Put iPads or tablets at each computer with electronic menus. Let me tap on what I want to order and have it tally the bill as we go. I hit submit when I'm ready to order, the waitress brings any drinks or appetizers a minute later, then food when it's ready. She just has to make sure our drinks are filled and have plenty of ketchup. When I'm ready to leave, I swipe my credit card at the table and choose to print a receipt or not.

Overall, it's a pretty simple system. I'm surprised it's not in restaurants now. I can order a pizza online from Papa Johns and pay for my Chipotle order ahead of time so I can grab and go. Even 7-11 and WaWa allow you to customize your sandwich without having to speak to a middle man. Why not have this functionality at tables?

If it's theft or vandalism restauranteurs are worried about, tether the iPad to the table. Have alarms at the door. Have the bus boy check the thing for damage after each customer. Buy old or refurbished models.

As for the servers themselves, I don't think much will change. The waitstaff still need to wait on tables, greet people, bring food, handle complaints. They wouldn't need to write orders on a piece of paper and collect credit cards. People are used to paying 10-15% already so tips won't change. Or you could have the computer automatically calculate a 15% tip and make the customer manually change it.

It would turn tables over faster, which means more customers and more tips for the waitstaff. And it would mean I wouldn't have to sit through 2 hour breakfasts anymore.

Pregnancy Chronicles - Week 11

Ahhh......let me tell you about my new bra! It’s wonderful. Most importantly, it fits and doesn’t hurt! I had my first day without pain yesterday.

Seriously though, I bought new pants, underwear, and a few bras. I went up a size in everything. I haven’t gained that much weight (3lbs) but I guess there was no wiggle room in my current clothes. Everything but my yoga pants felt tight. The new pants are super baggy with room to grow into.

I’m not too concerned about the undies. After 9 years trapped in a cubicle, I can’t expect to wear size 5s forever. Secretary spread does and will happen.

However, the bra......I went up an entire cup size already. B to C. I’m not even out of the first trimester. I’m going to have a hunchback by the time this is done. I bought new sports bras and something loose to wear around the house.

As for me, still fatigued and forgetful. Still waiting on the results of those blood tests from last week too. I have a stomach ache today, but hopefully it’ll pass. At least my boobs aren’t sore from wearing a too small bra.

Pregnancy Chronicles - Week 10

Week 10
We had our first official pregnancy exam. Just general tests for baseline health. They took six (6!) vials of blood. Hubby had to come because I can’t deal with someone deliberately taking blood from me. Injuries, no problem. Needles, problem.

But anyway, February 20, 2013 is the official date!

Holy shit that’s close.

The doctor gave us more stuff to read, but mostly it’s Fisher Price trying to sell us stuff. All promotional items. That’s okay, brochures are worthwhile too.

Mostly, I’ve noticed that other couples in these books or those in the “tell your story” section are always “it’s our first pregnancy and we’re so uber duber super excited!”. In comparison to them, we appear almost ambivalent.

Obviously we’re excited. But we’re also methodical planners. When the doctor and nurses congratulated us 3-4 times, we just said thanks and kept asking questions. Maybe it did suck the fun out of the appointment, but we left with a lot more knowledge.

For example, I have the next 6 weeks planned out. There’s our first trimester ultrasound in two weeks. They want to take more blood from me at that time. The results come back in 5 days. There’s a follow-up with the doctor after the results are back (already scheduled). Once the doctor confirms there are no abnormalities, we will drive down to my parents’ house that day (or the next) to give them the news. The next weekend, we will do the same for his parents. The next weekend after that, there is a baby shower for a mutual friend. I want her to have the spotlight. After the party, I will tell my cousin Erin to spread the word since we’re staying at her house. The next day, I will post on Facebook. That Monday, I will inform the boss.

Yes, I know this sounds overplanned and joy-sucking. It’s just how my brain functions. I handle everything this way. I don’t know when fun got equated with spontaneity, but there are plenty of happy fun times ahead of us even with my tendency to plan each day.

Meanwhile, I’m feeling really good, symptom-wise. I have started crying at really stupid movies, like Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. I hope this crying stuff doesn’t carry over to work. I have a reputation for being a solid, hard-ass worker. I mean to keep that.

Actually, work is the hardest part. The easy days, I can handle. The days where I’m running around and three things are due (but I can’t remember what they are because the hormones made me forget)....the busy days are the worst. I don’t have the energy to get through it. Two days ago, I went to bed at 7:30pm.  I read for two hours then passed out.

Last night, I could barely do the yoga poses. I had to rest my arms during the warrior series. They felt like lead weights. I went home, sat on the couch, then hubby shook me awake for dinner. After dinner, I took a 10 minute nap so I had enough energy to play ball with the dog. The running around helped. I managed to stay awake until 8:30. I woke up again at 9:30, went to bed, read for 10 minutes, and when the alarm went off at 5:45am, I felt like I got an hour of sleep.

This fatigue is insane.

Happy Thanksgiving!

For me, it's all about the pie. Damn I love me some pumpkin pie.

Have a happy holiday!

Pregnancy Chronicles - Week 9

I’m really starting to feel like myself again. I still get an occasional bout of nausea here and there, but it’s not as strong as it was.

I’m myself, and I’m not. Since when does peanut butter make my stomach hurt? Why does garlic smell like dead swamp? And what’s with all the belching? I also have a new trick. I can smell a McDonalds 12 seconds before it’s visible. I so want to eat some too.

I’m definitely gaining weight. I don’t know how much because I’m not one of those people who is going to step on a scale every week. I eat when I’m hungry, and I make sure I get exercise. Though lately, hungry is every two hours and exercise has been cut back to a mild elliptical routine of 20 minutes and 10 minutes of strength training. It’s 99 degrees; both the dog and I agree not to walk. I still do yoga once a week, but it’s becoming increasingly uncomfortable.

One thing that makes me sad is the forgetfulness. I read this is a common symptom of pregnancy and is due to the hormones. I forgot to water the garden last night. I forgot tote bags for the farm share. I forgot to tell Hubby we aren’t dog sitting today. I forgot to review a document at work. This is somewhat upsetting because generally I have my shit together. I’m pretty reliable with plans, back-up plans, contingency plans, and attention to detail. I’m not anal, just reliable and consistent. Now I’m lucky if I remember to pack socks and a hair tie in my gym bag.

I’m getting used to the idea though. When people stop by my cubicle, I no longer hear the internal screech, “Lemme alone I’m pregnant I don’t wanna deal with this!” I just handle it, like I always did.

Fatigue is still a problem. It’s nearly impossible to stay awake after 9:30pm. I took a nap on the couch last Sunday that ended up being 2.5 hours. It’s really cutting into my reading schedule. I think I’m going to fall behind my Goodreads challenge. At least I can add a few pregnancy books after we make the announcement.
Speaking of which, I would really like to wait until after Labor Day weekend. My friend is having a gigantic, couples-invited, baby shower on September 1st. I want her to have all the attention. The problem is, I’ll be about 15 weeks by then. I don’t think I’ll be able to hide it. I’m barely doing it now, wearing the baggiest clothes I have.

We’ll just wait and see, I guess. The next doctor appointment is in a few days.

Book Review - Gone Girl

I'm not going to give away any spoilers for Gone Girl. That means I can't do an as-thorough review as I would like, but this is a book that should not be spoiled. It's dark, twisty, and secrets pop out every other page.

You know how the Kindle lets you highlight passages from the book and tells you how many others have highlighted that section as well? The beginning of Gone Girl was FLOODED with highlights. Even I added some of my own. It hooks you in by talking about marriage and relationships, and you think to yourself, yes! this is what my marriage is like! this is what we fight about too!

Then the highlights drop off immediately as secrets are revealed and not everything is as it seems. It starts off relatable but changes into a very dark, nasty story.

It's not for everyone. The plot and the characters may be hard to like. At one point, I was hoping for everyone in the book to shoot each other like some kind suicide cult.

The writing, though, is unparalleled. If you are looking for a strong voice, POV, character development, cliffhangers, and perfectly timed twists, definitely check out Gone Girl.

Pregnancy Chronicles - Week 8

Week 8
The nausea has stopped. Miraculously! I don’t know what good karma I earned to deserve this, but it’s not nearly as bad as before. The only thing I changed was I started taking my vitamins at night instead of in the morning. Only because I didn’t want to puke them up. Maybe that had an effect, maybe it didn’t, but who cares the nausea is gone.

Well, not completely. I still feel ill at certain times. Usually when I get up in the morning and walk around the room. Also again when I’m at the gym working out. Sometimes right after dinner. And if I bend down with my head below my hips, I get dizzy and nauseated. But I can deal with that. It’s a shit-load better than feeling sick all the time.

I know the books warn about a sudden cessation of symptoms. I’m not worried. I developed some nice back pain that has spread to my shoulders and neck. Also still pretty tired. The bloating and cramping decreased as well. Food cravings have kicked in big time. I have a favorite stall in the bathroom at work. Also I can’t drink anything after 9:00pm or I will need to pee twice during the night.

The food cravings are actually pretty funny. Though you need some background info on my husband and myself. He’s a great cook. He can cook anything I ask him to, and do it better than most restaurants. I don’t know how or why he does it, it’s just something he is great at.

As for me, I like to make decisions. He usually asks me what I want for lunch or dinner, or what to buy at the store. I’m already somewhat used to food cravings because when he asks me for a decision, a dish usually pops into my brain right away. In the past few months alone (pre-pregnancy) he has made me Vietnamese Pho, spring rolls, fish tacos, sesame chicken, spinach dip, handmade pizza, loco moco, pasta salad, and pretty much whatever else I could think of.

The pregnancy food cravings are slightly different. If I don’t get what I want, I don’t accept substitutes well. I get unhappy and keep thinking about the food I really wanted.

Cheese fries.

Cheese fries!

Cheese fries!!

CHEESE FRIES!!! GODDAMMIT I WANT CHEESE FRIES!

I almost stopped at McDonald’s on my way home from work on Thursday. Salty, fried, potato goodness!

I didn’t because I have a supportive guy at home who usually makes whatever I want. Only now we’re in pregnancy phase, I’m starting to realize he’s only satisfying my cravings for fruit, veggies, and dairy.

Whenever I wanted a fruit smoothie, I got one. He cut up strawberries, bananas, watermelon, and whipped out the blender. Same with zucchini chips, sliced peaches, part of a banana, grape tomatoes, a glass of milk, spinach and noodles, tomato and mozzarella salad, and mashed potatoes with cauliflower.
Last night I asked for cheese fries. I got 3 meatballs and a glass of milk. (I need meat for the iron, and the tomato sauce is a good serving of vegetables.)

Today he wanted to play golf with a buddy. I told him if he gets to play golf, I get cheese fries. He believed me even though I totally don’t have any issue with him hanging out with friends, getting exercise. I’ve never had a problem with it. Still I saw an opportunity and took it because I WANT CHEESE FRIES.

Also, I ate an entire box of Cheezits this week. Delicious salty cheese crackers! I eat you!

Obamacare Covers Breastpumps

The rest of my offline blog posts for the pregnancy chronicles have been scheduled. They should post every other day until we're all caught up.

I wanted to share something I learned just yesterday. Obamacare requires health insurance companies to cover breast pumps and lactation consults.

I just....I don't know what to say. The breast pump alone is $300, plus all the accessories and storage bags and the lesson on how to use it.

It might be the first time legislation has actually affected my life for the better. I mean, I've had federal student loans and claimed every deduction I could on my taxes, but this is somewhat different. I get to keep several hundred dollars of my money that I can now use for something else. Like a nicer rocking chair, or more baby clothes, or a diaper mountain.

In other words, this has improved the quality of my life marginally.

And why shouldn't breast pumps be covered? The FDA considers them medical devices. Countless studies have shown the health benefits of breastfeeding to both mother and child. Neither are they optional equipment. Households need to have one or the mother cannot return to work, or cannot be separated from the baby more than a couple hours. It's an unrealistic scenario.

Also, with the breast pump covered by insurance, I can afford to purchase a back-up. Maybe I can have one at work and one at home. Or purchase a small pump as a back-up plan in case there is a failure with the main pump.

The only thing is, my health insurance won't let me choose the manufacturer.  Actually that's okay because Blue Cross Blue Shield pays for Ameda double electric pumps, and that's what I had on my registry. So even that worked out for me.

Not bad, Mr President. Thank you.

Pregnancy Chronicles - Week 7.5

Week 7.5
I’m at work eating a Fiber One bar, trying not to puke. Don’t get me wrong, the granola bar is tasty and it helps with digestion. Still, the nausea is taking 90% of my concentration and staying awake another 10%. Which doesn’t leave much left for this blog and my work.

The fatigue is still a problem. I went to bed at 8:30 last night and slept all the way through to my alarm at 5:45. The dog and I are having competitions to see who can nap the hardest. He’s winning, but he had way more practice than me.

We did get some books for the library. That’s both been helpful and harmful. It had a few good tips about the nausea. Small meals, lots of water, rest. They do help. However it does say that fatigue is normal, but extreme fatigue is a symptom of anemia and diabetes. So now I’m worrying about that. I see the doctor again in two weeks, so I’ll ask then.

Some of the advice in the book is unreasonable. “If you feel tired, take a nap during your lunch break.” Um yeah right. They will send me home on sick leave or tell me to see the doctor. Or I’ll be sent to counseling for alcohol or drug use. Naps at lunch are only acceptable for old men and migraine sufferers.

I had to make up something. My cubicle neighbors have noticed how tired I look. When covering the truth, I believe in giving 90% truth, 10% lie. So I told them, “I’ve been really tired lately. I think I could be anemic. I’m seeing the doctor in 2 weeks.” Everything I said was true, but still could be considered a lie of omission.  I’m a very good secret keeper.

Hubby has been very supportive, as usual. He picked up extra dog playing duties at night since I’m so exhausted. And he made me chicken noodle soup from scratch so I have something besides PB&J for lunch. He keeps calling me “half the family” and laughs that his vote used to count when we made decisions. It still does count, but we’re voting with different priorities now. So it feels like everything has changed already.

Like garlic. The smell of garlic is awful. Eating it is even worse. I had a great idea to dehydrate some garlic cloves to make my own garlic powder. I made it through a few bulbs before I couldn’t take it anymore. Two days later, the cloves are still in the dehydrator because I can’t bring myself to touch them. Besides, I don’t think I have enough to make a teaspoon of powder.

Pregnancy Chronicles - Week 7

Week 7
I’m not as thirsty as much. Though I’m making an effort to consume more water than usual because I read it helps with nausea.

I threw up yesterday. First time.

And the doctor called. She apologized for taking so long to get back to me and for the initial diagnosis of a blighted ovum. So there’s that, at least. Honestly she seemed sympathetic that I originally went for treatment of an ovarian cyst and now have a baby. She promised to walk us through it and answer all our stupid questions. I did admit to being unprepared. Hubby is going to the library today to get books.

So back to the puking. It’s not at all like you see in the movies. I realize romantic comedies tune it down, but there was nothing cutesy or funny about it. You feel god awful, sweat is pouring off you, and whole chunks of food come up. Did I even chew? It takes a couple of minutes and few flushes.

I’m determined not to experience that again. I will eat smaller meals and drink water even if I don’t want it. Even if it makes my belly bloat and pants tight. You know when Gandalf stands on the bridge in Moria and screams at the Balrog, “You shall not pass!”? I Will Not Puke.

Meanwhile I’m dreading going to back to work. Between the storm last week, widespread power outages, July 4th, and annual leave, I did not have to work much this week. About 5 hours total in the office. Actually I got work call at home and couldn’t concentrate. I didn’t know who called or what they wanted because all I could think was, “Leave me alone! I just woke up and I’m pregnant.” I told whoever it was to call back Monday.

Yes, it was 0930 and I was just starting my morning. The fatigue is something else. I’m averaging about 11 hours of sleep per day. Which makes sense. When things grow, they need sleep. Babies, puppies, and all infants across the animal kingdom. They eat, sleep, shit, and grow. Well both me and peanut kid are growing, so it makes sense to sleep.

It won’t help me go back to work Monday. I’ll be asleep at my desk, between rounds of eating and puking, sometimes belching, foregoing my usual lunchmeat sandwich, and wearing super tight pants. Hubby thinks no one will notice, but how can they not.

Oh and we did a quick calculation of the due date. Feb 16 is our guess. Doctor needs to confirm though. Again, I think this is off because I don’t have a 28 day cycle. I think it’ll be late February.

Holiday Sales

I raised prices in my Etsy shop. Not by too much, just $0.50 a collar. It's the middle of the crazy season for me. From Halloween through Christmas, I'm inundated with orders. I can't keep anything in stock for very long. So I raised prices thinking that might slow the flood.

It didn't.

To give you an idea of the numbers, I managed to get my to-do list down to zero on Sunday. I was printing labels to put on packages (14 packages), and I got 4 more orders. I took the rest of the day off, doing homework and shopping. By Sunday night, my to-do list had 15 collars, plus two that were awaiting payment.

There are days when that's fun, and days when it's not.

I'm starting to think I need a better way to manage business. In the spare minutes I have, I've been looking into software to organize a small business like mine. Maybe something to manage inventory, keep track of expenses, revenue, and profit. Stuff like that. I'm using Excel right now and it's time consuming.

I never have a great idea of how much material I have left, especially in this crazy season when I sell out of everything within a week. Taking two days off to wait for more d-rings means my to-do list accumulates to 30 orders or more. It would be nice to know how much I make off each collar exactly, instead of the ballpark estimate I have in my mind.

I don't do it for the money though. It started off as a way to help rescues; I donate 10% of my sales to a monthly rescue. Whatever was left I put back into supplies. I got a LOT of supplies. Then a funny thing happened. With the more material I bought, the more collar styles I offered, the more sales I got, and now I'm in a weird place. It's taking more time than I wanted to dedicate to it. Let's face it, collar sales are not going to pay the mortgage. They help with other household expenses, but I'm not sure it's worth me spending 1-2 hours each day at the sewing machine.

So here's the choice: I could cut back on the amount of styles to  reduce orders. Or I could expand again and possibly hire help.

There are reasons why I don't want to expand.

1. I have a full time job already. It pays well. 
2. I have a family, dog, and other hobbies.
3. I don't want to deal with payroll and taxes.
4. I don't want to coordinate with an employee. 
5. An employee doesn't necessarily free up my time. I still have supplies, expenses, Etsy, and Facebook to manage. 
6. I'm hardly organized as it is. 

So it sounds crazy, but I think I will start to cut back on the amount of collar styles for sale. Possibly even raise prices again in January. Seems like a shame to purposely cut business, but I wish things were different. I really do.

Pregnancy Chronicles - Week 6.5

I just learned I cannot eat lunchmeat while pregnant. Well, I can, but I have to heat it up first. This is nuts, all because listeria can be transferred through the placenta?

Don’t say what’s the big freaking deal, because this is a big freaking deal. I have a sandwich every day. Every day. Any deviation in that diet will tip my coworkers off. Every single day I pack a sandwich, fruit, yogurt, and a snack item with very little deviation. It’s been remarked upon and noticed what I eat for lunch.

Yeah you can have canned tuna, but really only once a week. Don’t want too much mercury.

That leaves me with PB&J, cheese sandwiches, or egg salad. If I want to keep up bringing a sandwich to work everyday, that is. Suddenly switching to salads, peeing every hour, and a bloated belly making my pants tight....I have a feeling they are going to figure it out.

Freaking lunchmeat.

And what am I supposed to tell my yoga instructor and fitness instructor? All the online resources say to tell them ASAP, but the gym is at work. Like in the building. Two floors down. I take yoga with coworkers. If I start doing prenatal poses and exercise routines, people are going to notice, no matter how sneaky the instructors are. I know they can keep silent if I ask them to, but people will notice if you are doing something different than the rest of the class.

Oh what’s it matter. I’m so bloated I look 3 months pregnant anyway.

God I’m thirsty.

Pregnancy Chronicles - Week 6

Week 6
I dragged poor hubby to his first ultrasound appointment. Actually that’s not  true. He wanted to come. And why not? He has just as much at stake as I do.

Besides, I wanted someone to pepper the ultrasound tech with questions so we didn’t have to wait for the doctor to call. The tech was cool; her name was Mindy. Turns out we didn’t even need to ask her questions because that little peanut of a fetus popped up on the screen right away, with the weirdly pulsating cardiac organ.

I thought it was freaky, Hubby thought it was awesome, Mindy thought it was the cutest thing ever. Later we told her we were expecting a blighted ovum and she nearly cried.

Don’t get me wrong, I was thrilled. We were now officially pregnant! Even had our first ultrasound picture to take home. Though I’m sorry, the pulsing grain of rice in my bloating, cramping abdomen was freaky.

Yes I was still experiencing big time cramps and bloating. That’s been going for 4 weeks at this point. I really only feel better when I’m laying down.

Speaking of which, major fatigue this week. I can’t even tell you. The very next day after we got the big news, a massive storm hit us overnight. It’s a special kind of storm called a derecho, which is Spanish for “straight”. Basically it’s a straight wind tornado.

It hit us in the middle of the night without warning. Hubby was shaking me, saying we’re losing the patio umbrella and the glass table, trees were falling down, the fence was gone.....

Um, I didn’t even wake up. Not through the thunder, not the 80mph winds, not the CRRRACCKKK of the tree falling against all our other trees and having them cascade down to utterly crush the fence. Hubby had to close the umbrella himself, but ended up letting go before it carried him over the deck.

We lost power a couple of times, but I was only aware of it once. That was when I had to pee in the middle of the night.

So yeah, add insane fatigue and tiny bladder onto the cramping and bloating. I can barely make it through the day without a nap.

I did notice some nausea, but entirely manageable. If I eat a bunch of small meals throughout the day, don’t get too hungry or too full, I lose the urge to vomit. Bonus!

I am sucking down water like a camel though. I’m up to 4 water bottles a day. I don’t get that, but okay.

Oh and I nearly forgot! Remember last week the fetus didn’t show up on the ultrasound? Mindy the ultrasound tech said the doctor was a week off. I was 6 weeks pregnant, not 7, and that’s why nothing showed up last week. Because week 5 is a bit too early to see anything.

So why the miscalculation? Because I don’t have a 28 day cycle. It’s more like 30-35 and that’s when it’s being consistent. If the doctor assumed ovulation 2 weeks after my last period, she’d be wrong. It’s more like 3 weeks.

As I’m writing this, I haven’t heard back from the doctor yet. We’re still waiting for her to take a look at the ultrasound. But it’s unmistakable. There’s a pulsating grain of rice in there.

Pregnancy Chronicle- Week 5

For the moment, this blog is offline because you aren’t supposed to tell anyone about the pregnancy until the risk of miscarriage is over.

Actually I was supposed to miscarry this week. Yes, that’s right. Simultaneously I found out that I was 1) pregnant, 2) going to miscarry.

Kind of shitty to news to get all at once. You are mourning before you even have something to mourn.

But let me back up to the beginning of the story.

I missed a period and was feeling like shit. For 2 weeks, I suffered from bloating and cramping that just seemed to get worse. Nothing I did alleviated the discomfort. (By discomfort I mean a real whopping OMG I’m going to die if this doesn’t stop, holy god something is wrong kind of pain.)

I took a pregnancy test. Followed the directions and everything. Negative.

A few days later when the pain wouldn’t stop, I took another. I did it first thing in the morning just in case. Negative.

Okay. I asked friends and family to see if anyone knew what was wrong. Good thing I did because it’s the same exact symptoms of an ovarian cyst.

I made a doctor’s appointment. She confirmed it was most likely an ovarian cyst, and sent me for bloodwork and an ultrasound to confirm. 4 hours of poking and prodding later, I got to leave the doctor’s office. Hooray!

Though as I was leaving, my cramps intensified further. Seems like the poking and prodding made stuff worse. I was pretty pissed about that, because I had psyched myself up for the doctor. I’m going to feel better! I’m going to the doctor! She will fix what is wrong! I had the whole happy ending played out in my head where the bad cramps and bloating were magically turned off after being examined.

The next day the doctor called back. I remember this conversation, so please take this as direct quotes.

“I have news for you. You’re pregnant.”
“What! I am!”

“But there’s a problem. Nothing showed up in the ultrasound. The blood tests confirmed you are pregnant but the hcg levels are too high. Since you are 6 weeks* pregnant, there should be a fetus in the ultrasound, but there isn’t.”

“I’m not sure I understand.”

“You are pregnant. The sperm met the egg and there is implantation, but no fetus. Sometimes they just don’t develop. It’s called a blighted ovum. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Is there any chance....”

“Yes, for sure. The ultrasounds aren’t perfect. I’ve seen many blighted ovums turn into healthy fetuses. But...”

“But what do you think will happen in my case?”

“Your hcg levels were too high. I think you should prepare yourself for a miscarriage. I’d like you to make an appointment for another ultrasound 7-10 from now to check again.”

“What happens then?”

“We redo the test. If there isn’t a fetus, you’ll have to decide if we should remove it, or let it miscarry naturally.”

Right well, there wasn’t much more to that conversation. It sucks to hear the news that you are pregnant, but not really because there’s no fetus, and you’ll be asked to decide between a suction procedure or 2 weeks of bleeding.

BTW still no relief from cramps and bloating.

It felt a little stupid to mourn, because what the hell are you mourning? There was nothing there to begin with. So for the next week, we didn’t consider ourselves pregnant. Just another illness we have to get through.

Next week, ultrasound #2.

*for those clever readers who saw “week  6” and said, “but this blog post is titled week 5”, you are absolutely right. And you may have guessed what is coming next.

Online Classes

I am pursuing a masters in Telecommunications Management at UMUC. It's an online degree. I'm only two semesters in, 4 classes, but I have to say, this isn't a good way to learn.

I went to a four year college, classes everyday, all day, plus labs at night. Then I got an MBA by doing 3 hours of class after work twice a week. When I heard my employer would pay for an additional degree, textbooks included, I thought awesome. I could do homework whenever I had a spare hour and squeak out a degree in two years. How hard could it be?

Well, harder than that. At the beginning of each semester, the instructor posts the syllabus and grading rubics so you know exactly what to expect. The problem is, the syllabus will say to read chapters 2 and 3 and the lecture notes, then answer 3 questions in an online class discussion. It makes it very easy to do the bare minimum. I'll look through the chapters and the notes to get the answers to the questions and that's it.

When the tests roll around, I generally do average. B minus to B plus range. My fault, I know. However the structure of the class is to blame as well. How the blazes was I supposed to know what to focus on? I assume by choosing those three class questions each week, that's the material the instructor wanted us to learn. Not true. He/she actually wanted us to read and learn the entire chapter. Independently, I suppose.

Which is another problem. Even when I do read the chapter (or section) word-for-word, it's difficult to take instruction from a textbook. There might a sentence in there with crucial information, but you read it like any other sentence. Only a person can help you identify what's important to take away from the lesson. And not just to get past to the test, to prepare you in your career field.

Here's a direct quote from one of my instructors this week, "Often there seems to be a difference between what I think you should have learned, and what you really have learned."

There's a lot to be said for the traditional classroom learning. I've had classes that were flipping through the textbook page by page with the teacher going over the important material. I've also had classes where you have 30 minutes of instruction followed by 2 hours of doing problems.  Regardless of how the class is run, you take cues from the teacher on what you really need to know. The teacher also takes cues from students whether they are confused or need extra help in a subject. Or are completely bored by it and should move faster.

With online learning, you don't get that feedback until after you turned in the homework assignment, get a crappy grade, and the solution set is posted. Even then, what's the incentive to go back and learn the material? You already got a crappy grade.

In addition to keeping up with the homework assignments and reading, there is often two projects a semester PER CLASS. If you are taking 2 classes at a time, that's 4 projects a semester. Sometimes they are group projects (which is torture), but other times they are individual (read: time-consuming). You put all this research and effort into a paper, only to get dinged on the score because you didn't stress what the instructor thought were the important parts.

I've learned that an online degree actually takes more of your time than if you just to go to class for 3 hours each week. An online degree does not give you a working understanding of the material. In fact, if I were hiring, I would be leery of a candidate that has mostly online degrees. In my opinion, they are not equal to the classroom learning experience.