Pet Peeves with Customers

This post is entirely cathartic. I've always known I'm not cut out for retail, but I still sell collars anyway. I like raising money for rescues, and I like using my hobby to make money. Unfortunately that means dealing with people. So let me be clear before I launch into a tirade of complaints - I recognize all of the following are MY issues.

I can't stand it when customers....

1. Don't provide a size.
Dogs come in all shapes and sizes. Do you really think you can order a collar online and not provide a size? It says very clearly in my listings that I need a neck measurement. I don't know why Etsy doesn't have drop-down boxes at checkout; maybe they just want to make my life harder.

2. Ask 10 questions then never buy anything.
I have better things to do than answer email.

3. Tell me to use my judgement.
Okay then, based on the breed of dog and the weight, my judgement is to measure your dog's damn neck. Get out a ruler and measure the current collar if you have to.

4. Order a small, medium, or large collar.
I've had people order a small 16" collar, a large 16" collar, and a medium 19" collar. This is why I do not use subjective sizes. They mean different things to different people. If you tell me a neck measurement, I can make sure it fits and you get your money's worth.

I could say:
Small = 12-15
Medium = 14-18
Large = 17-21

But you'd still have to measure your dog's neck to know which size to order. Might as well tell me the size.

5. Ask me for free stuff.
Especially when I donate 10% of my sales each month to a different rescue. I'm happy to donate to fundraisers, but don't email me out of the blue like we know each other.  You want free stuff? Great, be one of my featured monthly rescues and make a couple Facebook postings.

6. When they completely miss the point of what I'm saying.
I get a lot of people buying for small dogs (chihuahua sized) and puppies. I write back, "Are you sure? This collar is 1" wide and is intended for dogs with neck sizes at least 12 inches."

"That's fine! Make it 12 inches then!"

"But you ordered an 8 inch collar."

"I'm sure Fluffy will grow into it!"

"I won't be able to accept returns on this."

"You've been so helpful!"

I'm not exaggerating on the exclamation points. For some reason when women email each other, it's mandatory punctuation. Anyway, I'm trying to tell them they should buy a more suitable collar,  without making it sound like I'm shoving advice and judgement down their throats. I could say, "Go buy a 1/2 or 3/4 width collar." and send a refund automatically. That's generally not accepted in the retail world though.

7. Can you make this in 3/4 width?
Kudos to you, who actually read the product description! Alas, no. I cannot change the width. Hardware, webbing, and ribbon all come in a standard size. If I could change the width, I would've said so in the listing.

8. Give an enormous amount of unnecessary information at checkout.
"Hi! OMG your collars are so cute! I want to order X for my beagle, Mr SnuggleMcPants, who has a neck size of 18 inches. He's a big boy! We rescued him 4 years ago from Super Rainbowville Canine Hero Squad, and he's been my furbaby ever since. Yesterday he was diagnosed with bad hips because he weighs so stinking much. What can I say! He likes his food. Anyway, I want to get him a new collar to cheer him up. Thanks!"

9. Ask me if it's okay before they buy something.
Yeah, this one has me puzzled. Every once in awhile, I'll get an email asking if they can purchase X collar for a neck size of 18 inches. Um, yes? Go ahead? Have at it? I never know how to respond. 

10. Ask for a matching leash after they paid.
This is another puzzler. People buy a collar, write their neck measurement in the checkout box, and also request a matching leash. During checkout. I get the payment for the collar, but never know what to do about the leash. I mean, they realize it costs more money right? Why wouldn't they email me before? The listing says, "Contact me for a matching leash!"

It's like buying several bras online and in the comments to Hanes, saying "send me the matching panties too!" Um, WTF?


I really, really suck at dealing with people.