Divorce Articles

I have a hidden hobby. I love to read divorce articles online. If the headline says:

How to get along with your ex
Top 10 reasons for divorce
How to find happiness after divorce
Children after the divorce
I hate my ex 
How divorce saved me

Or any headline with "divorce" in it, I will read the entire article. I will hover over my screen so no one knows I'm reading it either.

It's a very harmless fascination. I know how it looks, which is why I hide it from other people. Trust me, I am not nor have ever contemplated a divorce. I'm quite happy, thanks.

I think that's why it fascinates me. I read the articles, the comments, and anything the article links to. I'm not sure what I'm looking for exactly. Lessons learned? Don't make these mistakes? Where my marriage went wrong, so don't let it happen to yours?

I haven't found it. Mostly people just want to bash their ex in a very public forum like Huffington Post. They have an entire section devoted to divorce!

A lot of people blame the institution of marriage. Saying it's not natural, not how human beings were supposed to live. They blame governments and religion for forcing us into it. I don't buy that argument. Every single culture around the world, from the Amazon tribes to Inuits to Western culture and Eastern culture. Regardless of the race, nationality, religion, or culture, there is marriage. Clearly it's something human beings do.

Others blame infidelity, which yeah, I have to agree is excellent reason to split up. But even if you do divorce, you never really obtain closure from your cheating spouse. You never know what prompted them to stray in the first place, why they chose that person over you, and most likely, your cheating spouse is still in your life because of the kids. How can someone forgive under those circumstances? I don't think you can, not without counseling. And if you need counseling, you probably should work on it together, try to fix the fundamental errors in the marriage that led to the infidelity. Then you can work on forgiveness.

Or you could write an article about your cheating spouse and blast it to the world on HuffPost. Which seems to be what most people do.

Other people don't really know what happened in their marriage. After 20 or 30 years, they realized they weren't happy and wanted "freedom". While I don't agree with the saying, "marriage is work", I do believe it takes some effort and patience from both sides. From what I read, I feel like a lot of these couples simply quit on each other. Or fell into a routine of breakfast, work, dinner, chores, TV, sleep. Repeat. Instead of taking measures to break the routine, they left each other instead.

I realize there are other circumstances like drugs, alcohol, abuse, and whatnot. In those cases, run. Run, run, run.

I really haven't learned much by reading these articles. Certain things are apparent to me though. Appreciate your spouse. Maybe he didn't start dinner or take out the trash, but he did mow the lawn before napping on the couch. Maybe she left the closet door open for the 100th time that week, but she did unload the dishwasher and go to the bank for you. It's easy to see the negative aspects about each other. Make an effort to see the positive stuff.

And when your spouse wants to do something, try a new hobby, go on vacation, have a party, see a movie, or work on a house project together, the answer is always "yes". Think of it as your spouse trying to break the routine by doing something different, and they want you involved. No other answer is acceptable.

BTW if you are interested, this is my absolute favorite article on divorce.