I don't cook.

Honestly, I'm surprised I have to keep saying this. I don't cook. It's not some feminist agenda or a refusal to be in the kitchen.

1. I'm terrible at it.

2. It doesn't interest me. Given a choice of cooking dinner and mopping the floor, I choose the floor. Both are chores.

3. My husband is a good cook.

4. Getting takeout is supporting entrepreneurs and paying them for their ability to prepare tasty food.

Yet for some reason, other women think this is something I need to address. When I tell them I don't cook, we usually launch into a series of frequently asked questions.

1. Oh but it's easy! You just boil some spaghetti, season some shrimp, and toss them together with olive oil!

Again, I don't have any interest in cooking. I don't care to learn, because I equate it with learning floor mopping techniques. I appreciate the ability of others and am happy to pay them for their skills.

2. But, but, what do you eat?

Food. Prepared by others. My husband is very talented and can whip together a meal out frozen chicken strips and whatever happens to be growing in the garden. And he can make it delicious.

3. What does your husband say?

Nothing? I walk the dog while he cooks, and I do the dishes after.

4. Is he cooking tonight?

What part of this aren't you getting.

5. Who cooks on your anniversary and other special events?

Oh you didn't mention special events ! I suddenly develop a set of skills I never bothered to cultivate and put out an entire gourmet meal of braised ribs, red roasted potatoes, lightly seasoned snow peas, and ice tea not made from a can.

Seriously, what part of this aren't you getting?

It's actually a very easy concept. We divide chores based on our strengths. He doesn't like walking the dog. I do. He lets dishes pile up in the sink. I hate that, so I load and unload the dishwasher. I have a lower threshold for clean sheets and towels, so I do those. He mows the lawn, I clean the floors, he maintains the garden, I pay the bills, he vacuums the stairs, I handle all vet appointments, etc.

The same conversation with a man goes very different.

Me: I don't cook.
Man: Why are we talking about this?

Just more proof that women are harder on each other, and that gender roles are enforced by our own gender, not because men are forcing us into the kitchen. Some women find it simply unacceptable or completely remarkable that I don't cook.

Frankly, I'm kinda tired of it.

Book Review - Claim to Fame

I love Margaret Peterson Haddix, and will read a book of hers whenever I get my hands on one.

<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6455481-claim-to-fame">Claim to Fame</a> is a book about a child sitcom star who developed the ability to hear everything said about her. Anywhere in the world, if someone mentioned her name, she could hear it.

Yeah okay, Haddix likes to make stories into learning opportunities and morals. I can see her writings being taught in schools. The idea here was that Lindsay Scott, as an actress, was too obsessed with what people thought about her and what was said about her, that she developed this super ability. And it nearly drove her insane.

Haddix does an excellent job with genetics and heredity that you start to believe this could actually happen to someone. It was a detailed, well-developed, thought-provoking read.

My only issue was that it ended too quickly. Once she mastered her power, Lindsay didn't have any goals beyond that. Go to college. Then what? Does she get together with Toby? How does Toby's story work out? There were a lot of good characters that could've made the book twice as long and me twice as happy.

One thing Haddix does that I like is anticipate reader's questions. If she could hear all this stuff, why doesn't the CIA recruit her?

One of the characters explained because she can only hear what's said about her. Then it went into a discussion how people are usually self-centered. Instead of being omniscient, we'd really only want to hear what our neighbors are saying behind our backs. It was a good philosophical discussion.

On the other hand, all the CIA would need to do is announce to the world they have physics listening. Then the terrorists would talk about the physics and bam, there you go.

Anyway, I like Haddix and I like <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6455481-claim-to-fame">Claim to Fame</a>. I just wish it were longer.

Amazon Lending Library; Firecracker

I decided to check out the Kindle Owner's Lending Library. Once a month, Amazon will let you borrow a book for free, provided that you bought and registered a Kindle.

According to their website, they have over 145,000 books available to borrow and 100 New York Times best sellers.

Well, even if I could find a NYT best seller on the list, I probably wouldn't want to read it. I scratch my head sometimes on what the world finds popular. 50 Shades of Grey? Twilight? Nora Roberts?

Anyway this isn't a blog post about best seller lists. I searched the Lending Library for a quick book to read to pad my stats on the Goodreads challenge.

The Lending Library isn't searchable. You select a genre and it displays the 6,000 books in that category. Sure you can find a romance! Here are a few thousand to scroll through! You can sort by highest rated or most recent, but that doesn't narrow it down too much. If you had a book in mind that you wanted to read, you aren't going to find it on the Lending Library. Not unless you scroll through page after page of results looking for it.

Eventually I got tired of that and settled on <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13498755-firecracker">Firecracker</a>. It was fine. I think it's a sub-published book because the publisher is listed as Amazon Digital Services.

Of course, everyone on Goodreads has given it 5 stars. I have to assume they are the author's friends and family. It simply wasn't mature writing. It was good enough to tell the story, but not enough for me to love it. If you want to read about pyrokinetics, read <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/97967.Mystic_and_Rider">Mystic and Rider</a> by Sharon Shinn.

Back to the writing, here's an example of what I mean. The first time the protagonists are attacked, the male hero has a flashback to his childhood from the last time he encountered the monster. Okay, but it takes page and pages to go through.
 
Then when we finally do come back to the present, it's right from where we left - the pounding at the door. Turns out it was just the landlady. However, we know the monster is around. The protagonists can sense it, taste it even. (it's bitter). The flashback and misdirection don't add suspense, they slow down the action. Here's an excerpt from the middle of the action scene:

CLICK-CLICK-CLICK. Like fingernails - no, more like claws - against that second car. An Oldsmobile, dark tan, big as a boat and as old as anyone's grandmother. Oddly enough, it was the car that had never moved. Not once during Cass's four year residence at the Amigo Apartments had that car left its spot. Two or three times a week, from dinnertime to midnight, a small gathering of her Hispanic neighbors would play the roles of mystic faith healers.....

You get the idea. A freaking monster made of shadow and claws is only  two cars away from her and the author is breaking to tell the reader about a damn car. It slows down the action, makes the scene feel less than life-threatening, and generally the car has ZERO role to play in this story. Two Kindle pages later and the Olds rocks side to side (finally). The next page they discuss running away. Two pages later the monster appears over the Olds. Three pages later she asks the monster why it hates her. The next page, the damn thing finally pounces.  

Really, really slow read. Especially for an action scene. Sentences should be quick, fast, full of tense emotion. It's sad because the plot was a good idea (love me some pyrokinetics), but the pacing was just terrible.

Anyway, I have a feeling this is the quality you get from the Amazon Lending Library.

Happy Memorial Day

Writing Characters

Up front disclaimer - I don't read Greg Rucka, but after an article he wrote about writing characters, I just might have to check out his work.

I think he's mostly known as a comic book writer for Marvel and DC. One of the questions he's most frequently asked in interviews is:

How Do You Write Such Strong Female Characters?

In this article,  he explains just how sad that question really is. It's a long article, and I know how most people feel about reading something lengthy on the interwebs, so here are a few excerpts I found extremely interesting.

I have two answers I tend to give, the Quick Answer and the Long Answer. Both are entirely true, for the record.
The Quick Answer goes like this:
Q: How do you write such strong/well-realized/positively portrayed women?
A: I don't. I write characters. Some of those characters are women.

I like this excerpt because no one has ever asked a male writer how he writes strong/well-realized male characters. For some reason, it's assumed men cannot write believable female characters, and when it does happen, it's such a shock.

And really, that's just sad. That's not doing the work of a proper author.

Writers write characters, and at our best, if we do it well and with care and with thought, we invest in those characters a spark of life, a realism and nuance that makes them believable and relatable. We seek to craft characters who inspire empathy, characters our audience will care for, and as a result, will care about what happens to them, and thus will share the journey we have charted. A story, after all, is the character's journey.

Asking "how do you write strong women?" is the equivalent of saying "we generally accept other authors don't bother to put the work into a female character, so it's surprising that you do."

...for many others, I think, it's not simply that they're asking How Did You Do This Thing? What they're really asking, I think, is this:
Why aren't more men doing it?
Why is it that so many male writers, when trying to write strong female characters, fail?
Why do they default to a shorthand, lazy equation, where strong equals bitch?

If other writers put a little more effort into understanding what makes their character tick, Rucka wouldn't need to answer this question very much.


...this is a matter of respect, for both the story itself and for the audience receiving it. The reader is smarter than you. The reader is always smarter than you. And the reader knows when you've taken a shortcut, or phoned it in, or are trying to pull a fast one. And the reader don't like it one bit.

Okay I've already taken more excerpts than I wanted to, but I've read this article three times and I keep finding more and more gems. I really recommend you read it, in it's entirety, and bookmark it. Hold it as the standard to which all characters should be placed against.

Alright, one more! Just as a conclusion.


World building is what writers do. The good ones, the really awesome kick-ass take-no-prisoners crafters of fiction, they're able to invest such honesty into their tales that you believe in them....That's world building. There's no secret to it. If a writer -– any writer -– wants to make their story worthwhile, then the characters deserve as much consistency and attention as the world they inhabit.

Happy birthday

Happy birthday to my husband, who turns 31 today. There's not much excitement in turning 31. He's getting a TV for the bedroom wall....but we have to paint it first so that sorta sucks. The TV is his main present, so I got him something little to open this morning. A pair of sandals because the dog ate his last ones.

Hey, they're nice sandals. Leather with arch supports.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to his 36th birthday because we met when we were 18. When we both turn 36 in 2017 I can say I've known him for half my life.

On the flip side, anything after 2017 is MORE than half my life, and I'm not ready to sound like I'm over the hill. Not before I'm 50.

I'm struggling to take something positive away from this. Because my husband had a birthday, we have to paint the bedroom and we're one year closer to sounding old.

Sandals and cake don't really make up for that.

Best bumper sticker ever

You know those location bumper stickers on cars? OBX, LBI, IRQ, etc. I saw this one in my work parking lot.

BEST BUMPER STICKER EVER!! I giggled the whole way home.


Get it?


You'd have to be familiar with Stargate.


Want a hint?


Keep close watch at the 50 second mark.
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/7s1BiL8GPqc" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


Yes! It's the Stargate chevron for Earth. Take that all you silly terrestrial car decals. You go to OBX, I'll go through the Stargate.

Book Review - The Warded Man

<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/3428935-the-warded-man">The Warded Man</a> by Peter V. Brett is pretty awesome. It's the first in a series (but of course, it is fantasy after all) and starts off pretty slow. The idea is good though. Demons attack humans at night, and their only defense are magical wards. The book follows three characters from childhood, as they grow into their characters and the choices they make. The only one of real interest is Arlen. What shapes him so that one day he becomes the Warded Man. Anyway, I'm still not convinced I needed to know that much about his village and the people in it. Still, once you get past the childhood, the story starts kicking ass.

It still has flaws though. Arlen is the best character by far. But the reader is cheated out of his story. He goes from being a teenage bookworm who loves the library and the librarian's daughter, to a bad-ass Messenger in a city far far away in the middle of the desert. Somewhere along the way, the dude picked up the fighting skills to hold off several professional demon fighters at once. The reader doesn't get to follow that journey though. Instead we're reading about the virgin medicine woman and the tragic fiddler.

I think I would've been a lot happier if the book was about Arlen only. He doesn't meet up with the other two characters until the end, and they are pathetic and weak compared to him. Leesha is the equivalent of a doctor but spends most of the book thinking about her virginity. Rojer is over 10 years younger and does some neat things with a fiddle.

Sorry but when it comes to reading about a fiddler vs a kick-ass demon fighter who tattoos his entire body in order to be humanity's last chance.....it's not even a contest.

I know this is one of my longer reviews, but I really did enjoy the book and I have a lot to say about it. Even if most of the things I say are critical. Any book that gets the reader thinking and fired up is a good book.

The other major flaw I found was in the society. I'm presuming the author started with the idea, what if demons popped out of the ground every night and tried to kill everyone? What would that be like? What kind of culture, society, and characters would result from that? 

I think the author got a lot of it right.  There would be a religion about hope and a Deliver to save them all. The victims would be blamed so the survivors wouldn't feel guilty about surviving. Trade would be limited to towns within a day's walk. Mothers would be given respect. Fourteen year old girls would be married off to have babies immediately.

Though there was something he got terribly wrong. The author had humans hiding in terror at night, too afraid to fight back. Humans want to fight. The need to fight is heavier than our fear. I can see how some people would hide behind wards at night, but society as a whole wouldn't. When the worth of the town's medicine woman is weighed by the number of births vs the number of deaths, you know the human race is struggling. And people will fight to save their species. They will fight to save their homes, their families, so that others may live on.

Especially when it's clear the human race is losing. The book begins with a village of 800 people losing 21 overnight. Even a child could see the math. The only option is to fight.

I know this,  you know this. Every zombie movie, every alien invasion movie, every single end of the world story ever made is about the human race fighting back.

It's true when the population is decimated, a lot of knowledge is lost over the years. Still I think the need for better weapons would drive innovation. Humans have fought demons for 300 years. You'd think they would've come up with a better weapon than a spear. It is hard to believe Arlen is the first person to think about warding their body.

Or hell, better defenses for the village. Right now they ward every house and building, and the larger towns ward the walls. Not nearly enough. My house would have metal spikes so when the demons threw themselves at my wards, they could impale themselves. I'd also have a moat. And pits. I'd booby trap the shit out of everything.

It surprised me that a lot of the book was dull, mundane stuff. Who is sleeping with who, who had a baby out of wedlock, who got ripped off by the store owner....I'm sorry but if the human race is losing, society changes. Contraceptives would be illegal. Women would have multiple husbands. Women who had more than 3 kids would be held in great esteem. (because 2 is just replacing the population. 3 is increasing it.) Whores would be called Breeders. And children would be so precious, they would be protected at all costs.
There wouldn't be many trades other than weapon-making, soldiering, and farming....let alone time for gossip. If transportation was limited to within a day's travel, you'd think someone would've invented a faster method. Manned waystations to change horses, royal stockpiles along a road, or hell UNDERGROUND TUNNELS!

If I were a character in this book, I'd be a genius. I'd live in a hobbit hole underground.

Even the demons were dumb. For 300 years, they threw themselves at wards over and over again, like a bee trapped inside your window. You'd think one of them would pick up a rock and throw it. Or get a stick and scratch off the wards.

I actually have a lot more to say about it, and lots more ideas for the society. I know it doesn't sound like it, but I loved the book and I'm definitely on board for book 2.

Krav Maga

I took a free 30 minute Krav Maga class during work on Wednesday. It was pretty intense. Krav Maga is an Israeli fighting style. Not a martial art; it's closer to street fighting than martial arts. It teaches you the best techniques to defend yourself when you've been attacked.

The main idea is that you aren't ready for an attack, therefore the other person already has the upper hand. Maybe they knocked you to the ground or went for your throat. Krav Maga drills you through the motions so you can get over the shock and start defending yourself right away.

There are no rules. The very basis of it is survival. Maybe you have to defend your kids or your spouse. Maybe three men broke into your home at night. Maybe you are 50 years old, injured, or are overweight. Krav Maga isn't about strength. It's knowing how to break holds and get to safety.

There wasn't much they could teach us in 30 minutes. I learned that punching is too slow and does too much damage to your hand. It's much better to do a open palm thrust at your attacker, over and over again. I also learned how to protect myself if someone tried to strangle me. That's a bonus. Makes me feel like I did something with my day.

Some of the drills they did were unexpected. So you learned how to break a strangle. Next let's jab at the bag. WAIT!! The instructor just went for your throat! Surprise!!

Even though we just learned how to break a strangle, it was VERY hard to remember when someone attacks you unexpectedly. The whole point is to drill, drill, drill.

Though I have to wonder, at some point are you spending too much time on this? It's nice to be prepared, but I think the good majority of us go through life without ever being violently attacked. I can see how much preparation it would take to change your instincts. Three times a week? Once a week? I know, it'll be worth it if you ever do need it. But what if you don't. I'd rather spend that time in yoga or with my dog.

Anyway, I found a decent Youtube video of a Krav Maga demonstration. See how little effort the guy uses. Also note right before the 2:00, he's sitting in a chair reading when a guy puts a gun to his head.
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/3Ignz0VLLwA" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Plant vs Zombies

I'm addicted to <a href="http://www.popcap.com/games/plants-vs-zombies/online">plants vs zombies</a>. It's your typical tower defense game but with cute zombies and plants.

If you want hours of mindless entertainment with some carpal tunnel, check it out.

Bird Nest

 For two weeks, we thought Colby was afraid of the deck. Maybe he got stung by a bee, or fell when the boards were wet. He didn't want to walk on it and would stare at the boards intently, like they were going to move out from under him.

I lured him outside with cheese and hot dogs. Finally got him to the point where he'd walk on the boards again. He'd still stare intently like he didn't trust it, but it was progress.

To torment Colby, the hubby grabbed a small twig and went under the deck to poke at the dog. You know, just in case his fear wasn't completely solidified.

The joke's on us.  Turned out the dog wanted to eat the birds that were 4 inches under his feet. I think at first he didn't understand what the smell was, or the chirping. We could only hear it after we knew to listen for it.

After the hot dogs and cheese, he may have associated the birds with food. My bad.

It is the perfect spot for a nest. Nothing can get at these chicks. No predators can fit through the deck's lattice. Nothing can get at them from the top.

They are sheltered from the wind and rain. The worst thing to happen is a dog barking 4 inches from them and salivating a river. Okay, that sounds pretty horrible. But they're fine.

Hubby even donned some gloves and put a chick back in the nest after it fell out. We're good landlords.

They are getting pretty big. Any day now they will leave the nest.

Have to say, I'm looking forward to that. My dog won't look quite so insane.

Avengers

I absolutely loved Avengers. I can't remember the last time I liked a movie so much I wanted to pay twice to see it. Joss Whedon did a kick ass job writing and directing.

Imagine that task....taking a handful of characters strong enough to carry a whole movie themselves and throw them together to act as a team. Iron Man had two movies, Captain America had one, Thor had one and I believe he's getting a sequel. Whedon figured out who would argue with who, who would get along, what the Hulk would really be like, and most importantly, what would need to happen to get all of those egos to get along with each other.

Perfection.

Even Black Widow was done well. She wasn't just another chick in a tight suit with some flippy moves. She was smart. She was instrumental in bringing the team together and getting the info out of Loki. She also had motivation! A reason for fighting and being a team player! There was tension with Hawkeye and definite chemistry. I DEMAND a Black Widow/Hawkeye movie and Whedon MUST be the person to make it.

It didn't quite pass the <a href="http://bechdeltest.com/">Bechdel Test</a> but that's okay. It's a superhero movie. Still when I saw the character strength of Black Widow, I was hoping she'd make a friend in Agent Hill. Hill didn't get many lines though. She had that one scene in the beginning and then flew the ship around for the rest of the movie.

Anyway, Avengers is awesome, funny, kick ass, and worth every penny. I think it might be Whedon's best work, and that includes Buffy, Angel, Dollhouse....even some episodes of Firefly. Go see it.

New Blog

Well that didn't last long. I went without my blog for a week before I had to start a new one. I missed it, more than I thought I would. And it seemed like other people missed it too, based on the feedback I got from my family. Or they were being nice. Either way, it amuses me to start blogging again, so here we are.

It's funny, as soon as I deleted the other blog, I thought of topics to write about (Avengers, airport bookstores) and how much I wanted to write about them. The genius thing about blogs is that I can take the time to organize my thoughts and don't have to participate in conversation while I do it. I consider myself a good listener but that doesn't mean I like verbal discussions. I am an introvert after all.

You'd think blogging would be an extrovert activity. Not true. Here I can state my opinion about anything I want to talk about, not get interrupted while I make my point, and review any counterpoints  before I'm forced to respond.

Simply put, I prefer to communicate by writing.

This time, I'm going to make my blog more anonymous. You won't find my name or occupation anywhere, and pictures will tend to be of the dog or projects around the house, rather than our faces. Not that this was a problem before, but the nature of my work changed recently and I have to take steps to separate my personal and professional life.

It's okay if professional contacts follow my Goodreads account; they won't learn anything of interest there.  Same with Pinterest. I tightened the account settings on Facebook though, and the other blog had so much personal info, it was easier to delete it than sort through it.

Anyway, this rebooted blog will still be about books, movies, my dog, house projects, and whatever awesomeness that pops up along the way. Same as before, minus names and faces. Hope you like it.