I won't read 50 Shades

I won't read Fifty Shades of Grey. Not because it's a bondage book. Those are fine. People, read what you want. Sex, bondage, golden showers, whatever. Just don't stop reading. Authors need you.

No, I have other reasons to avoid Fifty Shades.

1. I've learned the hard way to stay away from the bestseller list. I just don't understand why poor writing becomes so popular.

2. It started off as Twilight fanfic. I don't like Twilight.

3. I hate the premise. An insecure virgin meets an older man and he teaches her about sex. Seriously tired of that trope.

4. People I respect say it was written poorly.


I also kinda hate these sex scenes that have no purpose other than to titillate the reader. In romance, the sex scene is usually to 1) take the relationship to another level, or 2) cause complications. It advances the story somehow.

Now, I get that people want sex scenes and a lot of them. Okay, I don't judge. Let me recommend a MUCH BETTER book for you. Look into Kushiel's Dart by Jacqueline Carey. Very awesome series. It takes a while to get started, but eventually the main character, Phedre, uses sex and bondage to seduce the political players and get information about a murder. She can withstand a lot of pain, making her the perfect spy in these sex games. She can get information while being whipped naked.

Again, there is a point to the sex scenes. They advance the plot.

So I don't need to read Fifty Shades. There are better books by talented authors that deserve more attention.

Book Review - Lost and Found

I'll get to my review in a second. First, I'd like to talk about a genre of books I like to call Weepy Chick Lit. It usually starts off with a tragedy - either the husband dying or the husband cheating. We go with the protagonist on her journey to find herself again. It ends happily with her realizing her life is actually better.

Lost and Found started off this way. The husband kicks it on the first page. The woman is devastated, obviously. In the few weeks afterward, she has trouble being in the house, going to work, and functioning as a person. She needs a change.

She goes to an island off Maine to live for a year as the animal control warden. She meets people, makes friends, adopts a dog and cat, and takes up archery as a hobby.

There's more to it, such as the custody battle for the dog and the teenage girl next door suffering from anorexia.  Seriously weepy stuff. There's also a murder-mystery on the island. The dog's previous owner had a mysterious death.

It's like a Nora Roberts novel with all this stuff going on, but seriously weepy. You will cry from page 1 to the end. Aside from that, it's a good read as long as you do it in bed with some tissues nearby. Not for airplanes or the beach. Or any public places.

The name implies the protagonist is "found" at the end. I don't think so. No worries, I won't spoil it. She doesn't find happiness, she just finds a way to live without extreme depression. There were some low points in this book, let me tell you. Like around Christmas.

The book could've been a little longer. I wouldn't have minded reading until she did find a happier emotional place.

Snake!

A video of a black rat snake right outside the front door. Yes, I locked it before getting the camera.

Two books I did not finish

I am starting to get my butt kicked by the Goodreads challenge. I said I would read 100 books this year. The first half of the year, I was pulling ahead. Now I'm lucky to be hovering at "on-track" or "1 book behind".

I blame two recent selections. They didn't hold my interest, and I couldn't finish them. If it takes me 2 days to read 30 pages, it makes me wonder how the thing got published in the first place. I realize doing reviews for books I didn't finish isn't fair, but wouldn't you want to know if something is that bad?

First up, To Say Nothing of the Dog by Connie Willis. It took me a few days before I gave up on this one. I don't think it's about dogs at all. The protagonist is a historian that works for a time traveling company. His client is having him rebuild some English cathedral, so he travels back in time to collect artifacts or data, I'm not sure what.

It has amusing parts, but it kept reminding me of that high school implement of torture, Waiting for Godot. That is about two men sitting on a bench waiting for third man, Godot. Endless conversation with very little plot. I was three chapters in To Say Nothing of the Dog when I realized we knew nothing of the protagonist. Only that his name was Ned Henry, he was a historian, and suffering from time travel effects. Did he have family? Why did he choose this career? What did he think about his job?

Nothing. Just endless chatter and odd references to the Victorian era that I didn't understand.

This is a book for stay-at-home moms who want to read about other stay-at-home moms. That's not a bad thing. All I'm saying is there is an audience for it, but I'm not it.

A book should not start off with the trials of grocery shopping. That is what annoyed me the most. There were pages and pages of domesticity - shopping, driving the kids around, cleaning, cooking, laundry. I get this woman has lots to do. So when she sees a demon at the store, she barely takes notice because she's so busy.

And then her husband calls, who is running for state attorney. He wants to throw a dinner party in 2.5 hours and does she mind to cook and clean for 8 lawyers and judges? He offers to call a caterer to help her.

But that makes her feel GUILTY so she agrees to make appetizers, cocktails, an entree, and clean the house in 2 hours.

ZOMGTHISISTHEWORSTCHARACTEREVAR!!!!!!!

Actually, to make it even worse, the demon follows her home from the store, launches through her kitchen window and tries to kill her. She kills it, stuffs it in the pantry, and is more concerned with the state of her rigatoni than what just happened. The clean-up details of the scene takes up more pages of the book than the actual attack. Like how to pick up glass is what I'm interested in.

Week 8 Farm Share

Kale, bok choy, corn, tomatoes, peppers, peaches, squash, cantaloupe, bread, and Monterrey jack cheese.

In which I become upset

Last Saturday, I was walking my dog in the neighborhood. We were going down a long dead-end road, doing a loop, and coming back.

I bagged the crap and left it on the gravel shoulder of the road. I do this nearly every walk, so I can keep my hands free and pick it up on the way back.

I got about 3 houses down - maybe 40 seconds - when a car pulls up along side me. I'm on the passenger side. The driver is holding the poop bag inside the car.

I took out my headphones and said:

Yeah that's mine. I'm coming back for it.

You left this in front of my house.

Yes. I'm doing a loop and will be back for it in about 10 minutes.

Then pick it up here.

At that point, the man throws the bag of shit at me.

He threw it at me.

We stared at each other for 2 seconds, and I decided to be a better person.

You have a nice day.

He slammed on the gas, did a U-turn, and drove 3 houses home.




That's all I have to say about that.

Happy Birthday Colby

We had a birthday party for the dog yesterday. He turns 4 today. And yeah, I know you are groaning right now. OMG she had a party for the dog.

It's not as bad as you think. There weren't any hats or cake. There were donuts, pastries, fruit, and juice for the humans. We sat around on comfy furniture and ate sugar while the dogs ran their brains out.

The people do this every weekend, except we're usually hiking together. Instead of wandering around in the woods, getting muddy and ticks in our hair, we sat around and ate donuts.

The humans had a great time. We chatted, got to see people we haven't in a while, and relaxed. There were about 12-13 people there, 2 kids, and 8-9 dogs.

The pictures here were provided by some of the party guests. These dogs run too fast for my point and shoot. You need a DSLR with a fast shutter speed or it looks blurry.

Colby is the lighter colored, bigger dog with the M&M collar. Even his sister made it, though I'm having trouble finding her in the photo. She's also the same color, but smaller, and has normal sized head.

Here Colby is in the center, getting picked on.

I don't think the neighbors were too thrilled with us. It was 8:30-11:30 on a Sunday. And well, dogs bark. Can't really be helped that much. Besides, I thought it was cool to see a pack of all the same breed running together in one yard. I doubt the neighbors think the same. I could be wrong though.


Finally, here's my favorite picture. Colby is getting punched in the face. A little love tap for the birthday boy.

How to make spaghetti sauce

Spaghetti sauce! Without the preservatives! Something to do with all those tomatoes in the garden! A way to pass 3 hours of  your life!

This was our first time making and canning spaghetti sauce. It took us 3 hours, but we might be able to cut that down to 2.5 hours once we get faster.

The $2.99 jar of Ragu sounds like a good deal, doesn't it?

I read that roma tomatoes are the best to use, but we didn't plant those. Oh well.

First step, bring a saucepan of water to a boil. Drop a few tomatoes in there. Watch them closely. In about 30 seconds to 1 minute, the peel will start to split. 

Take it out of the pot and drop it into some ice water. This is so you can touch the tomato without burning yourself.

 Take it out of the water after a minute. The tomato should peel very easily.

 Cut off the top, or stem. Slice the tomato in half. HALF! Not lengthwise. If the tomato was a globe, don't cut pole-to-pole. Cut the hemisphere. Make sense?

 This should expose the seeds.

 Squeeze the tomato in your hand to dump the seeds. Scoop out the rest. You don't have to get all of them.

 Do ALL the tomatoes. Put them in a colander to drain.











Chop mushrooms, green pepper, and onion.

Saute them in olive oil.

 Put the tomatoes in a food processor to make them into a liquid.

 Drain some of the chunks out of the liquid.

 Put it in a pot.

Drain the veggies too.

Add them to the pot. Add whatever spices you want. We also put in a can of tomato paste - the only ingredient that didn't come from the garden or farm share. Let this simmer for a long time. Probably about 2 hours.

Meanwhile you can sterilize the jars. Place them in near boiling water for 10 minutes. Don't forget the lids too. Wash the bands in soapy water.

When that's done, turn them upside down on a towel.

Fill the jars with sauce about 1/4 inch from the top of the jar.

Put the bands on.

Put the jars back into the boiling water for 30 minutes.

Label!

How to Can Banana Peppers

The hubby likes pickled banana peppers on his sandwiches. He likes them so much, he planted several plants in the garden this year, bought canning supplies, and looked up how to do it. 

I personally don't care for them, but figured it was something we could learn how to do together. 

BTW, the orange one is spicy. Pick them after they turned yellow, and are just starting to turn orange at the top. You don't need a lot of peppers. This is enough for a pint and half, but we only made one pint.

So here we go, picture-by-picture instructions on how to can banana peppers. Of course, we haven't opened the jar yet to actually taste this. The recipe got 5 stars on food.com so how bad can it be?

First you have to sanitize the jars and lids. To do this, put them in a water bath for 10 minutes in water that just barely under a boil. Be careful, these jars are crazy hot. We were doing tomatoes at the same time, which is why there are 4 jars in the pot.

Cut the tops off the peppers. Leave the seeds for now.

Use a food processor to slice the peppers very thinly.

Wash the seeds out the best you can.

Mix 2 cups vinegar, 2/3 cup sugar, 1/2 teaspoon mustard seeds, and 1/2 teaspoon celery seeds in a pot and boil it. (we didn't have celery seed and used salt instead.)

Your jars should be about ready. Remove them carefully from the pot and set them upside down on a towel. We bought special canning tongs to do this. Seriously hot.

Use a funnel to add the peppers and the liquid. Fill the jar about 1/4 inch from the top.

 Put the lid and the band on the jar and place it back into the boiling water for 30 minutes. Make sure the water covers the jar.

Label your jar.

Done!!

Commercials Don't Work

In an hour long TV show, it might only be 40-42 minutes of actual programming. The rest is all commercials.

That's a lot of commercials.

Most of us breeze past them with a DVR, but there are some shows that I'm either:
1) so excited to watch I have to see it immediately (Falling Skies)
2) put on because I'm at the gym (House Hunters)
3) turn on for background noise (SportsCenter)

Chances are, you're like me and still watch commercials despite the DVR's best attempt to skip it.

But don't fear, they actually don't work at all.

I recently switched my credit card company because I wanted better rewards and more cash back, and it was pretty limited in choices. I find it difficult to believe this day and age, the only way to redeem my cash is for them to send me a check in the mail? And only after I log on to request it? Why can't they apply my cash back rewards to my statement when I reach $50, for example. Makes no sense.

So I left. I researched the features I wanted online, found a card that gives 1% back on everything, plus 50% bonus at the end of the year, with no limits on how much you can earn.

While watching TV last night, I realized I picked that card Jimmy Fallon has been pushing.

Not only that, it has to be Capital One. Capital One! With all those irritating barbarian/Celtic/Alec Baldwin commercials.

Dang it.

At least I can say I was impervious to all their spokesmen. I picked a card based on its features, not who was in the commercials. Still, I feel a little responsible that I'm now helping to fund more barbarian/Baldwin commercials.

It's probably the same feeling people had when they bought a Kia Soul and realized it was the dancing hamster apocalypse commercial.


PS. Does anyone know why Youtube embedding stopped working with Blogger?

The Adjustment Bureau

The Adjustment Bureau was a bit of a surprise. I really liked this movie. I thought it was going to be another government intrigue, fight back against the man flicks.

It was a romance. A really good romance.

The couple meets and there is instant chemistry. From the very first sentences they exchange, they already know they met their soul mate. It was done expertly well, from the dialogue and the body language and the acting. Really perfect hero/heroine introduction.

Then it goes through the classical conflict and barriers to that romance, just like it would in a typical novel.

The Adjustment Bureau - actually let's call them angels. Adjustment Bureau sounds too federal. It's actually a group of beings looking out for the human race. They aren't cruel overlords with agendas. They honestly have our best interests at heart. They know it's wrong to meddle, and have tried twice to stop. Those were the Dark Ages and WWI and WWII. It's their hope that one day humans can direct their own fate.

So these angels wanted to keep the couple apart. He was supposed to go on to be president one day and change the world. But if he married her, he would be happy and consider his life fulfilled. She was going to be a famous dancer with worldwide renown. But if she married him, she would teach dance to 6th graders.

There were actually many conflicts for the couple to overcome:
1) get over their disbelief and put their faith in each other, despite all the hardship
2) convince the angels to leave them alone
3) support each other's dreams and goals while being together

It was a really nicely done plot. No true villain, and the protagonist felt like an actual flawed human being. He made wrong choices sometimes, good choices other times. He freely admitted how unhappy he was without her. I really liked how there were no secrets between the couple, no matter how outrageous reality got. Both said out loud, without awkwardness, they couldn't stop thinking about each other. She even broke off an engagement because while she loved the guy, it wasn't the same.

A lot of times in romance, the conflict is who is going to get over their pride and admit their feelings first. It doesn't make for interesting reading, and I get frustrated with the characters. Adults should be able to express their feelings.I hate reading about insecure characters.

It really was a nicely done story. I don't have any criticism for it. Please watch the movie!

Helicopter

This is what we got at 6:15am this morning. Nope, nothing happening in the neighborhood. No major traffic, no police. All was quiet except for the darn helicopter.

Hovering

Right

Over

The

House.

May someone do the same exact thing to the pilot one day.

Update - turns out it was because of an apartment fire about 5 miles south of us.

Dog Accidents

My 4 year old dog has crapped in the house 2 days in a row.

Not sickly craps. Regular, big ol' dumps.

He gets exercise in the morning, plenty of time in the yard playing ball before we go to work. Just lately he hasn't been going the bathroom during that time. Which means he goes in the house.

We haven't changed a single thing in his routine. Nothing to explain it. Maybe it's just one of those things that happen and will correct itself.

Meanwhile, the dog aims for the light-colored carpet. Makes me wonder how he chooses a spot.

Week 6 Farm Share

Chard, beets, eggplant, bell pepper, peaches, plums, tomato, mushrooms, garlic, eggs, and rolls.

week 5 farm share

whoops forgot to post this last week.

Kohlrabi, corn, spinach, green beans, peaches, plums, zucchini, sourdough, eggs, and I feel like I'm forgetting something.

Detailed Cooking Instructions

I know I'm not the easiest person to strike up a conversation with. When you come over to my cubicle, I will look at you, say "hello", and expect you to state your business.

I also know we most likely have differing interests. I like fantasy books, alien apocalypses, and sewing. You probably do not.

I do not like to cook. I have made this abundantly clear since to anyone who brings up the topic of food. I like to eat, but have zero interest in the preparation of food.

So I'm continually boggled by the person who has this conversation with me daily.

Her: I made the BEST thing last night.
Me: <silence>
Her: I shredded some zucchini...
Me: <silence>
Her: Mixed it with a can of peeled tomatoes and a can of diced tomatoes....
Me: <silence>
Her: Heated it on the stove for 20 minutes....
Me: <silence>
Her: and it was the best spaghetti sauce EVER!
Me: okay.

Because I have told her countless times that I do not cook and have no interest in it. I believe the only way to get her to stop is provide zero encouragement. Silence, no questions, no fake interest, nothing.

Yet we do this routine every day.

What's the big deal, you ask? Just talk to her? Okay, fair enough. But let me put it this way. Would you like it if I talked to you about stuff you aren't interested in?

Me: Hey! I made the dumbest mistake sewing last night. I just finished oiling the race and hook and was putting the face plates back on. I ran a piece of scrap through and nothing happened! I forgot to raise the feed dogs, like a dolt.
You: uh, okay.

Right, because there is nothing at all to say in response. It's not like you can share your sewing experience (or maybe you can, I dunno). The most you can respond with is, "okay." It's way more polite than saying, "I care because?"

It's the same as talking about a TV show that you know the other person doesn't watch.

Me: Did you see Falling Skies last night? What do you think of this Skitter rebellion? Do you think it's a trap?
You: huh?

My point is, if you want to start a conversation with someone, pick a topic they can respond to. Don't leave them wondering why the heck you are talking to them. Unless you like to look foolish.

Goodreads Challenge

Did you see I'm over 50 books? I have a goal of 100 to read this year. Since it's July, I'm on track to meet that goal.

In case that doesn't sound like a lot, with 52 weeks in the year, that comes out to about 2 books per week. And no, they aren't the illustrated kind.

Obviously, I'm not reading 2 books a week.  I have work, the gym, dog walking, my Etsy shop, and homework to do. I only get about 45 minutes of reading each night before I fall asleep. It helps that I have every other Friday off, and I can do some power reading on the weekend.

Even so, I try to choose books that are 400-500 pages. I did have some George R. R. Martin in the beginning of the year, but eventually gave up that series. I also look for books that are easy to read; a good, strong voice with the intention to move the story along. Think J.K. Rowling as opposed to China Mieville.

Young Adult (YA) is a great genre for this. Reasonable length books with storytelling voices. You'll never get pages of how the faster-than-light engines work (Ben Bova) and backstory is practically non-existent. If it's not moving the story forward, it gets cut.

I've fallen pretty far behind on my book reviews, but you can click on the "book recommendation" label to see which ones kicked ass. I wanted to do links here, but Goodreads isn't loading. Some other time, perhaps. Like when I get to 75 books.

Kickstarter

If you haven't heard of it, Kickstarter is a website for people to gather funding for their creative projects. They make a page that describes what they intend to do and ask for pledges to help kickstart it. Different pledge levels get you different rewards. For $100 you might get a t-shirt, or $150 a personal phone call thanking you, or whatever. It depends on the project.

Sometimes I waste time on Kickstarter to see what people are doing. There are a lot of album recordings, documentaries, photography books, comics, clothes, etc.

I never actually pledged until now. There's a young man trying to earn enough pledges to make a documentary about finding the love of his life, Tom,  being threatened at gunpoint by Tom's father, and ultimately losing Tom to an accident on a rooftop. He wasn't even allowed to go to the funeral. It was just so heartbreaking, and behavior like that has to stop. I pledged $5 because I think this is a story that needs to be told.

Pledging is different than donating. This project has to raise $300,000 in a certain time period or it doesn't get funded. Even though I pledge the money, it may not get charged to my account. It runs through Amazon actually. Once you decide to pledge, it takes you to your Amazon account to finish the transaction.

Anyway, check out Kickstarter to see if there's anything happening that you support. I think people, innovators, entrepreneurs, artists.....all need to be encouraged. What better way of doing that than saying, "your idea is so good, I'm going to back you with money." We can all be venture capitalists.

Storm Damage II

We haven't done much cleanup, mostly because we don't have industrial equipment and a crane. Besides, it's not going to get worse by leaving it.

I have heard back from the insurance company a few times. We still need to wait for an adjustor before we start repairs. Our deductible is $1000, but anything over that, the insurance should cover. The adjustor will tell us if there is a cap on that reimbursement.

We did hear back from the county. It was the county tree that fell on our property, bringing our trees down with it and smashing the fence. Well no shocker here, but the county doesn't pay for it. And they don't remove it. County law says unless the tree was dead and marked for removal, they call it an Act of God and aren't responsible. Honestly, that's what I expected.

We did ask the county permission to have the repair crews work on their land. The fallen tree is a lot closer to the road than it is to our driveway. We wanted permission for the industrial equipment to come in from the road, rather than rip up our landscaping. They have to get back to us on that. Apparently the state owns 3ft of the land on either side of the road. So we need permission from both county and state.

So this might be a long process.

Storm damage

The county and insurance company has been called. We're all fine. Just pissed.